Well, another week is in full swing. I still wake up everyday and hope that this is all a nightmare. I find that true with a lot of things in life over the past year and a half. Nope, no nightmare. Well, other then what I am currently living, lol.
Monday and today have been better days dialysis wise. And a huge plus today in that I went back to work for part of the day. I am not as physically capable as I feel but not far off. I will get back there. Weight wise, it has been crazy! 30 pounds since admittance on 8/15. This leads me to think I had been battling this for far longer then I realize. And blood pressure is text book. Thankfully. Some of that is medication I am sure but man it is nice to have the piece of mind of it being back to numbers I can digest. Sometime being educated is a curse!
So, many conversations with OHSU. The plan is to do as much testing from home as I can then eventually make the trip for a few days. Some have asked about the testing process on kidney matching. More to come. Trust me I want to know too!
The plan currently is to get on the “list” for a kidney and pancreas. WTF right! I guess if I have to do it I might as well try to get rid of diabetes at the same time. This kind of cuts out the offers of donors for matching so I am a bit sketchy still. Doing both requires a “cadaver” as people do not generally live without a pancreas. That is a bit hard to digest but lots to learn and process.
I get asked a lot how I feel. This is the hard part. I feel physically good! Like I feel no difference before or after dialysis. Obviously I have not pushed limits nor do I plan too but it is a trip! I guess I am lucky for now that this is the case.
I ventured out to the Cake concert last weekend, thanks Ethan! Man it was a great day. We take so much for granted each day. Knock that crap off people. Nothing is guaranteed or promised so try to live that way. I sure am. Sunday I caught up with my old pal and brother Travis Carr. He and his wife came over from the valley for a visit. Then we hit my mom’s house so they could visit and it was a good day. Chantel lunch was kick ass, thank you and Travis so much for the love.
Debbie McEllrath. Fight! The army is still right with you!
Everyday is a roller coaster ride. I have lots of visits from “demons” but am managing. That is kind of hard to say but it is legit. This is something I have been battling for awhile now but it seems to be intensified as of late. So much “no good” to deal with but whatever. Not the time nor the place.
I cannot say thank you enough for all of the calls, texts, social media messages and so on. I feel the support love. I have not gotten to calling or replying to all. Honestly I get a bit emotional with it so I do it in small doses. I have never been good at asking for help or accepting it. I am trying… I really appreciate it though. And from people who we probably go through each day and think of more as an acquaintance the anything else. It is super humbling and super cool. I would be the same way though. I keep hearing that so I guess I need to accept it. I was a rock for a few when they needed it. It is hard when it isn’t reciprocated by them! Dang it is nice to feel overwhelmed with support from others! I know this road is just starting so “thank you” seems like not enough.
A big thank you to Jennifer and Jasper! I mean it. My mom and extended family too. I don’t share much but they have all been crucial in keeping me going and sane.
OK enough of that crap. Enjoy the ride right!?!! I am trying. Cheers to no bad days…